Thursday, March 14, 2013

I'd better start somewhere..

..and I guess this is as good a place as any. Hello. I'm Helene. And I've struggled with my weight most of my life. But I want and need to change that, so here goes. Here's some of my backstory along with my goals, thoughts and other things.

Right now I'm 34 years old, 5 foot 6. I weigh 220 pounds and my BMI is 35.5 which puts me at obese on the BMI chart. But I don't need a plug in the numbers calculator website to tell me what I already know. I am fat.

And I hate it.

Most of the time I make light of it, saying, "I'm not fat, I'm fluffy." or "I know I'm a big girl. I've always been a big girl." But when I take a good hard look in the mirror, I see things I don't want to see. And I hate myself. I struggle with depression, and having body issues doesn't help matters. I told myself I would never let myself get this way. And I have. But now, I want to change that.

Like I mentioned earlier, I've always been a bigger girl. I remember wearing a size 9 when I WAS 9. But during my school years I never really openly struggled with my weight. I always knew I was bigger than the thinner, more popular girls, but I never really obsessed about size or numbers on a scale. I just ate what I wanted. I wasn't really an active child. I know I'd run around outside with a ball or ride my bike down the road, and go for walks, but I'd much rather have stayed inside with a book, reading and daydreaming. I remember looking at a picture of myself when I was about 18 and thinking I was fat. But it still didn't really affect me. 

After college, I moved down to Iowa and eventually got married. I've been married for 10 years, and have two young children, a 9 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. When I was pregnant with my son, I weighed about 160 pounds. I gained 40 pounds, lost it quickly, gained it back from new mom inactivity and I believe my birth control shot. I was in the middle of losing it again when I got pregnant with my daughter. (Around 180 pounds or so.) I didn't really gain that much weight with her, only about 15 pounds, and she was 6 of them. Another birth control shot and more inactivity along with more horrible eating, and my weight grew.

I knew it, of course, but like I mentioned, denial is a strong thing. I've known for at least the last 3 years that I really should get serious about losing weight and getting healthy, but it's always "tomorrow". Or "later". There's always some excuse. Well, now that time is over. I actually registered the domain name for this blog probably about six months or so ago, but am now just getting to starting on it and getting serious about it. Because I have to get started. No more excuses.

I know it won't be easy. There's not going to be any "endorsements" or "special diet plan" I'm following except for a sensible balanced diet and exercise. But I love food, especially food that's bad for me. I love fried food and desserts. I'm also lazy. I'll admit it. I hate exercise. I'd much rather be sitting on the computer, or sitting on the couch with a good book or watching my favorite tv show or movie. But I need to get up, get active, and stop being lazy.

Why am I doing this, finally? Well, like the url of this blog says, I'm really going this for me. My health needs to be a priority for me for a change. Especially if I want to enjoy life and want to see my kids grow up and have children of their own. Which didn't get to happen for me and my parents.

Since I believe I've rambled on enough for now, I'll wrap it up. Here's to hopefully productive day ahead.

2 comments:

  1. you can do it, bb. I'm rooting for you.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks dear. It'll be a long process and a rest of my life commitment. But I'm determined.

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