up, down, whatever..

It's been a bit of a rough week for me. Ate a few too many naughty foods and carbs, and with most of the weight I lost being water weight, I have no idea what to believe, weight number wise. Of course, eating healthy and being healthy isn't all about scale numbers, so I try not to fret too much. Ye olde bathroom digital scale this morning said I weighed 214 naked, and the wii fit said this afternoon I weighed 208, and that included a -2 pound thingy for my clothes. Part of this is why I want to buy a new scale, but that's another daunting task these days. Seems everything has got some new gadget or monitor or what not, which is why I'm waiting to buy a new scale. Plus, the old one does work, I just wonder about its accuracy.

Like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, I've broken out the wii fit again. When I put in the new "wii fit plus" program I got Sunday, it was so kind to tell me that we had owned the wii fit for 3 years, and the last time I logged in was over a year ago. Oops. Anyway, I've been doing about 20 minutes or so of that the last two days. I like the variety of the programs, and the fact that I can do it in the privacy of my son's room and only look stupid to me. Hopefully it'll help. It can't hurt.

I know that I have a lot of weight to lose. I try not to dwell on it too much, because then I overthink things, and usually talk myself down instead of up. But when I hear that an appropriate weight for my height and not be considered "overweight" is 150 pounds, realizing I have 58 pounds to go is, yes, hard to think about. But as I constantly have to remind myself, losing weight is a marathon not a sprint, and the weight went on slowly, so it'll come off slowly. I just have to keep plugging along, making good food choices and exercising. Not always fun, but necessary.

I do notice changes. I feel a little slimmer. My clothes fit better. No articles have fallen off (yet) but I notice when I go for my daily walks that it seems, well, easier. Not that I'm suddenly going to start running marathons, but I can walk a little bit faster now.

Now after a morning of cleaning and exercising, I'm going to take the afternoon off, and I see some Epic Mickey in my future, because I have the house to myself and a decent wii remote.

Til later, loves.

Tuesday weight in, and misc.

I decided that since my initial last really accountable weigh in was last Tuesday, the 12th, I figured that on Tuesdays I'd post my weight, and anything else I see fit. Maybe I'll only update on Tuesdays, unless something dramatic happens, or I forget on Tuesday (more than likely...) Anyway, here's today's weight. 211!

I'm down 9 pounds from a week ago. I know that it might not all stay off, because a lot of it might be because I've pretty much made a drastic change and cut out all soda, which the sugar and chemicals and crap add on a lot of weight. I also am realistic that I won't have this great of a week every week, but as one of my friends says regarding weight loss, "It's a marathon, not a sprint."

I've been drinking a lot more water, especially at home. It's a little harder at work, because the soda fountain machine is right there, and easy, but I've managed to resist so far. I still do have some sweet stuff, such as a glass of kool aid or some pink lemonade, but I try not to have too much because of the fake sugars and such. All in moderation, I say.

I've just tried to eat better in general. More vegetables and fruits, less mayo and sweets. Sometimes I still do have "bad things", I just know that I can't have as much, and also not all the time. I had some hardcore cravings at work last night. My favorite sandwich (which isn't really good for me) smelled so good, and that peanut butter cookie.. I was so tempted. But I didn't eat any of it.

I'd like to get some more exercise started. I hate it with a passion, but it needs to be done. I have a taebo dvd that I want to try, but we'll see about when. I want to start taking daily walks, but lately I've been walking to the store to get stuff that I keep forgetting. It's a little over a half mile to the store and back. It's been unseasonably cold this spring, and today especially, I'm not really in the mood to walk anywhere. I know it's good for me, but brrr.. -_-

That's about it for now, I guess. Progress! And just gotta keep on going.

I'd better start somewhere..

..and I guess this is as good a place as any. Hello. I'm Helene. And I've struggled with my weight most of my life. But I want and need to change that, so here goes. Here's some of my backstory along with my goals, thoughts and other things.

Right now I'm 34 years old, 5 foot 6. I weigh 220 pounds and my BMI is 35.5 which puts me at obese on the BMI chart. But I don't need a plug in the numbers calculator website to tell me what I already know. I am fat.

And I hate it.

Most of the time I make light of it, saying, "I'm not fat, I'm fluffy." or "I know I'm a big girl. I've always been a big girl." But when I take a good hard look in the mirror, I see things I don't want to see. And I hate myself. I struggle with depression, and having body issues doesn't help matters. I told myself I would never let myself get this way. And I have. But now, I want to change that.

Like I mentioned earlier, I've always been a bigger girl. I remember wearing a size 9 when I WAS 9. But during my school years I never really openly struggled with my weight. I always knew I was bigger than the thinner, more popular girls, but I never really obsessed about size or numbers on a scale. I just ate what I wanted. I wasn't really an active child. I know I'd run around outside with a ball or ride my bike down the road, and go for walks, but I'd much rather have stayed inside with a book, reading and daydreaming. I remember looking at a picture of myself when I was about 18 and thinking I was fat. But it still didn't really affect me. 

After college, I moved down to Iowa and eventually got married. I've been married for 10 years, and have two young children, a 9 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. When I was pregnant with my son, I weighed about 160 pounds. I gained 40 pounds, lost it quickly, gained it back from new mom inactivity and I believe my birth control shot. I was in the middle of losing it again when I got pregnant with my daughter. (Around 180 pounds or so.) I didn't really gain that much weight with her, only about 15 pounds, and she was 6 of them. Another birth control shot and more inactivity along with more horrible eating, and my weight grew.

I knew it, of course, but like I mentioned, denial is a strong thing. I've known for at least the last 3 years that I really should get serious about losing weight and getting healthy, but it's always "tomorrow". Or "later". There's always some excuse. Well, now that time is over. I actually registered the domain name for this blog probably about six months or so ago, but am now just getting to starting on it and getting serious about it. Because I have to get started. No more excuses.

I know it won't be easy. There's not going to be any "endorsements" or "special diet plan" I'm following except for a sensible balanced diet and exercise. But I love food, especially food that's bad for me. I love fried food and desserts. I'm also lazy. I'll admit it. I hate exercise. I'd much rather be sitting on the computer, or sitting on the couch with a good book or watching my favorite tv show or movie. But I need to get up, get active, and stop being lazy.

Why am I doing this, finally? Well, like the url of this blog says, I'm really going this for me. My health needs to be a priority for me for a change. Especially if I want to enjoy life and want to see my kids grow up and have children of their own. Which didn't get to happen for me and my parents.

Since I believe I've rambled on enough for now, I'll wrap it up. Here's to hopefully productive day ahead.